Coveted Silence
by RileyHawthorn
Summary: No one realized how much Natsu's fire brightened the guild until one day his light goes out. Change bears no mercy for Fairy Tail and when things seem to calm the guild members find themselves only in the eye of the storm.
1. Broken

**FAIRY TAIL CHAPTER ONE**

Diclaimer: I do not own or receive profit for the Fairy Tail franchise. This is all purely for my enjoyment, and hopefully for the reader as well. All Fairy Tail characters are only being borrowed for the time being and will be put back in the toy chest when I'm done.

**BROKEN**

* * *

I do not want to be afraid  
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in  
I'm tired of feeling so numb  
\- "Cut" by: _Plumb_

* * *

Natsu staggered into his small hut house. Everything was just as he had left it. His things are all scattered meticulously across his place in organized chaos. Chaos was Natsu's element. He thrived in chaos.

Natsu clutches the wall for support; his body is frail and weak. His knuckles turn white from the effort of keeping himself upright, black dots swim across his vision. Natsu was barely holding himself together. He collapses quite ungracefully onto his tiny corner bed. Dust danced in swirling patterns amongst him in a thick cloud as he shifts into a more comfortable position. His sore muscles ache roughly and a twinge of pain shoots through him. He hisses and convulses as a raw pain rakes through him relentlessly. He flinches at the stark sound of his pain echoing in the heavy silence.

Silence…

Natsu was never comfortable with silence. Frankly, he could say he hated it. He always had someone or something to fill the silence. He never knew how lonely it could be. He never knew how mad the silence could make you. They say that isolation can kill you. The need to talk to people alone could drive a person crazy. Natsu was always at his best in crowds, with the commotion, the clamor, the _noise_. He flourished in the midst of many people, especially his nakama. However, now, the barest of whispers would have Natsu in a state. Now, he _craved_ the silence. The silence now is like an old friend, familiar and _safe_.

Natsu closes his eyes. He sighs deeply and burrows further into the mattress. To think that he once complained that the mattress was too hard. He longed for sleep. But, his mind be damned if it would allow him the blessing of precious rest. He stared long and hard at the ceiling, willing his mind to quell the rising fear of nightmares. Time ticked by slowly and his lids started to feel heavy. Eventually his need for sleep won over the fear of what awaits him in the dreamscape.

* * *

_It is dark. No matter how long he stayed here and he had lost count ages ago, not that he had any way of knowing how to tell time, he never got used to the darkness. The shadows around him seemed to be alive and any chance it got it wrapped around him making sure that his eyes would not adjust. _

_It is cold. The cool damp earth seeped through his clothes and chilled his very core. The ongoing hearth in his heart was freezing over. He preferred to be warm and near fire. This place was Natsu's own personal hell. _

_He lay on the compacted earth of the pit in a corner. He stared into the nothingness because, well, he had nothing else to do. He inhaled the stale, frequently used air and curled into himself. He squeezed his eyes shut, not that it made much of a difference anyways, and fervently prayed to every higher being to forgive him for whatever sins he committed. The gods stayed silent. Natsu was… alone. _

_Suddenly there was a warm familiar hand stroking through his hair. "It's okay Natsu. I'm here now; everything is going to be okay." _

_Lucy's voice weighed heavy against the silence. He flinched back from the touch and scurried to the other side of the small little hole he now called home. He wouldn't let himself believe. No one was coming. He was alone and everyone had probably forgotten about him. I wasn't her. It… it couldn't be…_

"_Natsu," she sounded hurt. "What's wrong Natsu? I- I thought you'd be happy to see me." He put his hands over his ears to block out the voice, _her _voice_._ He brought his knees up to his chest and started rocking back and forth. She was not here, he didn't _dare_ hope. The small delicate, but slightly calloused fingers grabbed frantically at his hands. He pulled away. No. The fingers were back now but rubbing his back soothingly, trying to calm him down. He moved away again. No! The fingers were now on his face, caressing it how _she_ liked to. _

"_Oh, Natsu," her voice took on demented undertones. Her fingers, that were moments ago brushing against his face comfortingly, were holding onto his face to the point of pain. "I hope you didn't get your hopes up too high." A sinister giggle echoed in the dark pit. "You have no one. I didn't love you and neither did any of your nakama. You are worthless. Even daddy dearest didn't love you. That's why he left you. You are nothing." Natsu's breath became ragged. The words were taking their toll. _

_Lucy backhanded him. "You are mine little Salamander. You will die here alone because that is what you deserve." Her fingers started to card through his hair in a phantasm of comfort. "Don't worry my pet. I am here. I will always be here." The dark promise sent shivers down Natsu's back. He wanted to fight, to protest, but he didn't have the energy anymore. All he could do was sit there and wish he was home with the real Lucy._

* * *

Natsu gasped awake. He rakes trembling fingers through his hair. He rubs feverishly to get rid of the ghost feeling of the fingers. He wraps his other arm around his middle and takes several deep calming breaths to regulate his still thundering heart. He exhales short harsh tufts of air. He squeezes his eyes shut and wills the remains of the nightmare to fade away. Shivers rippled through his body roughly. Another pang of pain hits him and he curls further into himself.

His breathing gradually regulated and stopped its erratic rhythm. His shivers abated and the nightmare faded back into the depths of his mind. It was obvious that he wasn't going to get any more sleep tonight. He huffed out a long, drawn out sigh. He seemed to be doing that more, sighing, and he _hated_ it. He eased off the bed, mindful of his sore muscles, and limped to the front door. The cool fresh morning breeze washed over him and chilled his feverish skin. He tossed off his shoes and the plush grass cushioned his bare feet. He found his favorite tree and slid down the trunk.

He pulled up his knees to his chest hugged it to him tightly. He rested his chin on his knees and watched as the sky shifted from the cobalt blue of night to a soothing morning lavender. The birds in the trees started to sing and little eyes emerged from the depths of the trees. Natsu sat in quiet tranquility. He appreciated the serenity of it all. He never thought he would see the sky or feel the sun again. Even the pesky little bugs that once irritated him were a welcome reminder that he was _alive_. He let his mind go blank and just let himself enjoy.

"N-Natsu?" He stiffened. Her voice. _That _voice. No, it couldn't be. He started to hyperventilate and it became harder to differentiate between dream and reality. The images from his nightmare ran rampant in his mind. Fear coursed through him. Was this even real? Was this all an illusion? His breaths started to come out harsher and the beginnings of a panic attack began to form. This had to be real! "Is- is it really you?"

Natsu steeled himself and looked up. The image of her sent electricity through his veins. A lot can happen in two years. She grew; her body now perfectly proportionate with her once overly sized boobs. Her hair was now longer. It lay in a ponytail atop her head with a huge baby blue bow and swung down to her lower back. She now wore a short sleeve white dress with a baby blue belt, which hung low on her hips, and boots to match her bow.

He inhaled a stuttering breath. "L-Lucy?" His voice was barley a whisper. His tone was shaky and conveyed his disbelief. He was afraid to look away lest she is in fact an illusion. He was afraid that if he looked away his eyes would once again be filled with the darkness. Her eyes widened considerably, letting him know she heard him, and she gasped out a tiny breath, her face displaying emotion after emotion. She lurched forward unconsciously. Natsu filled with panic and visibly flinched. She froze. Her face was a mixture of confusion and rejection. Her arms opened waiting for his embrace.

"What's wrong Natsu? I-I thought you'd be happy to see me… aren't you happy to see me?"

His eyes widened in horror at her words. Terror filled his lungs. It was impossible. It _had_ to be her. Her words sliced through whatever sanity Natsu was able to hold onto. The panic started to rise faster and he found it harder and harder to breathe. The fear was literally choking him. He felt her hands clawing at him, trying to understand, and he heard her bewildered voice screaming his name. He couldn't control it anymore. He was tired, weak, and lonely. He wanted to let go and give up. He wanted it to _end_. He felt the darkness engulf him and he plunged into the abyss of sweet forbidden dreamless sleep.

* * *

_Soft. _

That is the first thought Natsu thinks as he fights his way back to reality. He muddles through the remains of sleep. He was in a foreign bed in a foreign room. Where was he? What was going on?

"What's wrong with him?" That was Happy's voice. He found it hard to move. His muscles are stiff and sore. He groans loudly. He opens his eyes and the room seems freakishly bright. "Natsu!" A small bundle barrels into his middle and hits a sore spot on his tender ribs. He gasps and pushes the bundle away hastily. His eyes adjust sharply and he is all too aware of the small neko at the foot of his bed where he had pushed him. The little blue Exceed had a confused, hurt look on his face.

Natsu wasn't ready. He wasn't ready to see Lucy yesterday and he wasn't ready to see Happy today. He looked away. "Natsu?" Happy's voice sounded small, like he was on the verge of tears. He refused to look back at the blue neko. He heard a loud sob and the rustle of wings. He stared blankly at the spot where Happy was just sitting only seconds ago.

Small, soft hands lightly touch his. He flinched despite himself. He glances over to the side of his bed to see an unfamiliar girl sitting on a wooden chair. Their hands are still lightly touching his. It was… pleasantly unfamiliar. There were no nightmares attached to these hands. She looked at him with intense violet eyes. They were mesmerizing. It reminded him of a serene summer's night. Her eyes are framed by raven bangs that dangle over her violet depths. She has a dainty nose and small mouth. The small pastel sculptures twitch bewitchingly into a small smile. He looks back into her eyes to see them twinkling knowingly at him. The look did something weird to his insides.

Her hands squeeze his loosely. It was then he realized that they had said nothing to each other. The silence in the room was evident, but not overwhelming. She pulled her hand away. Instinct had Natsu reaching out like a child for her hand again. He felt himself flush with embarrassment. Her soft hands glazed reassuringly across his forehead. She got up and came back with a glass of water. He drank deeply, not even knowing he was thirsty. He hands her back the empty glass gratefully.

Natsu breaks the silence begrudgingly. It was nice, but he was too curious. "What's your name?"

She smiles that small smile again. His stomach flip-flopped. "Kiyomi," her voice is quiet like her smile. It held the gentle caress of an autumn breeze. She gently pushes him back into the soft mattress. "Rest." He wanted to tell her that the name suited her. It summed her up perfectly. However, his body had other plans.

He closes his eyes and burrows further in the bed. His hands instinctively sought out her hand. It had been too long since he had actual human touch. He felt her dainty fingers curl around his own and he relaxed further. "Don't- don't go… please." He hated how small his voice sounded. What would Igneel say if he saw his protégée now, all feeble and pathetic? Kiyomi squeezed his hand reassuringly and that was the last thing he remembered before he drifted off into his fitful nightmares.

* * *

He woke up screaming in pain and felt familiar old wrinkly hands rubbing soothingly against his brow. He recoiled from the touch and the hand withdrew slowly. He opened his eyes and saw Gramps with his thick white eyebrows furrowed. Natsu made eye contact but then immediately looked away. He stared at his trembling hands on top of the sheets instead. He didn't want to see the pity he knew was there, the deep wisdom that conveyed the sadness. He sat up slowly.

"Natsu," Natsu winced at the voice. He wasn't ready! He didn't want to talk about it and he sure as hell didn't want pity or sympathy. What he wanted was to forget. He wanted the nightmares to stop. "How are you feeling?"

Natsu couldn't help but laugh bitterly at the inquiry. The sound came out cold and harsh. It was a stupid question. Even Gramps had to admit that. "Oh, quite well actually, never better," he spat sarcastically. His time in the pit did wonders for his wit. It even gave him a dark sense of humor. He watched as Gramps eyes widen in surprise then narrow in concern.

"Natsu, what- tell me what happened to you."

Natsu stared out of the small window in the small room. He could feel himself closing off and shutting the old man out. He _really_ didn't want to talk about it. He found himself again wondering where he was, he'd never seen this room before. "I don't want to talk about it," the fatigue he felt leaked into his voice. He was long overdue on sleep, the little he got anyway. "I don't want to argue about how it might help me feel better or cope. I don't want some asinine therapy session. I don't want to remember any of it and I would appreciate it if you would leave it be. Please, I would like to be left alone now." He finishes quietly. His voice held a confidence and authority that he didn't even feel.

He didn't even look as the chair that Gramps was sitting on scraped against the floor announcing the old man's exit. "I-I'm sorry Natsu, for everything. I can't begin to understand how you feel or what happened to you, but just know that I'm here if you if you ever want to talk." He closed his eyes at the sadness in the voice. That was the voice of a parent that had failed their child. He heard the chink of the door as it closed and sank back down into the bed. Fatigue wrapped itself around him like a blanket. The time that he spent too afraid to go to sleep was now coming back and biting him in the ass. He closed his eyes and for a brief moment he dreamed of a different time. A time where he was happy, where there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

* * *

**_A/N: Here is the new edited first chapter. I didn't change too much which is why this is up so fast. I'm currently working on Chapter Two at this very moment. So expect that one soon. I told you guys this was gong to be brief. Once I've worked out my kinks and can get this story back where I need it to be, then I can start putting out fresh chapters. As always I hope you enjoy and I encourage you to always review. Tell me if you like the changes and what you don't like. Ciao. ~RiLeY~_**

**_P.S: If this is your first time reading this story, then I will warn you there is major OOCness. _**


	2. Scars

**FAIRY TAIL CHAPTER TWO**

Disclaimer: I do not own or receive profit for the Fairy Tail franchise. This is written for my enjoyment, and hopefully for the reader as well. Any recognizable characters are only being borrowed and will be put back in the toy chest.

**SCARS**

* * *

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut  
My weakness is that I care too much  
And our scars remind us that the past is real  
I tear my heart open just to feel  
-"Scars" by: _Papa Roach_

* * *

The sun was at its highest and the open windows let in the light summer breeze. Lucy sits at the bar nursing a half-empty drink. Honestly, she's been in this exact seat since the crack of dawn. Lucy was never a heavy drinker. She had never had a drop of alcohol until she joined the guild. Ladies do not consume alcohol is what her father always said. The amber liquid sloshed around the edges of her cup as she swirls it absentmindedly. The guild is silent. Whispers could be heard, but most just sat around like Lucy with their own drink. No one had the heart to be cheerful anymore.

Lucy exhales heavily and finishes her drink in own swift gulp. Lucy looks out to the bright summer day. There was a sharp contrast between the outside world and the guild. Like night and day. Sort of like the Natsu she knew and the Natsu she knows now.

Natsu…

Lucy will admit that he scared the wits out of her when she saw him for the first time in two years. There was this vacant look in his eyes. Almost like… like there was nothing human left in him. The memory sent shivers down her spine. And let's not forget his panic attack after speaking to her. She was sure it was something that she had said. A twinge of guilt burned her heart. _She_ had caused that look of sheer terror in his eyes.

"Lucy," Mirajane called softly, pulling her out of her dark thoughts. Lucy looked up to the white-haired she-demon. Lucy could see the bags under her eyes and how Mirajane's hair seemed to lose its luster. Natsu was taking his toll on everyone. "Would you like another?" Mirajane attempts a small smile, that doesn't reach her eyes, as she refills Lucy's glass. Lucy accepts the drink gratefully.

Lucy took small sip of her drink and let her eyes wander around the rest of the guild. Her eyes rested on a petite dark haired, purple eyed girl accompanied by a blue neko. Happy clings to the small girl, taking what comfort he can digest. Happy was taking the current circumstances the hardest. Well, whatever the circumstances were. Even Lucy didn't really completely understand what the hell was going on. The only information she was able to get was the little she could squeeze out of Kiyomi. And all Lucy found out was that Natsu had suffered through extensive trauma and there were also signs of severe torture.

The front doors slam open roughly letting in the summer sunshine on the gloomy guild. Lucy, along with many others, winced at sudden burst of sound. Standing tall in all his rugged glory is Gildarts. He stomps slowly down the path towards the bar. Silence pressed down in the guild. Everyone seemed to be holding their breath.

"Mira-chan," Gildarts booms heartily into the stillness, oblivious as always to his surroundings. "Lucy." A wide smile spreads across his features as he collects Lucy into his arms in a bear hug. His eyes skate over the guild once. "Where is Natsu?"

With that question, Happy lost it. The blue Exceed shot up into the air with a spine curdling cry and shot out of a window. Kiyomi shot up and raced after the neko. Lucy turned her attention back to Gildarts and wished she hadn't. The look on his face was out of place, a mixture of confusion, fear, and concern. Lucy's tongue betrayed her as it refused to emit even a single word. His eyes seemed to bore into her soul making her fidget uncomfortably. No one said a word. Everyone was still; waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop.

For the second time that day, the front doors burst open with gusto. Instead of an imposing Gildarts, there was a rather miffed looking Ice Mage. Gray stalked towards the bar. He was met with a glass being shoved into his hand by Mirajane. Everyone present eyed him as he downed the drink in one go and motioned for another. Once he was done with the second one he finally spoke. "You guys know where Kiyomi is? Slanty eyed bastard burned me, and I need her to take a look at it."

Lucy's eyes traveled across his ribcage and up to his broad chest to see it a red blistering mess. How did she even miss that to begin with? Lucy found her eyes traveling to Gildarts again to see what he thought and was alarmed to find him on his way out the door. Without even thinking about it she rushed after the redhead.

"Gildarts, where are you going?" Her voice cracked with uncertainty.

"If no one is going to give me answers, then I will go to the source and get them myself." Gildarts voice brokered no disagreements. Lucy was a bit scared of the man before her. Gone was the carefree, easy-going adult. This version of Gildarts reminded her more of the man that was unleashed in battle.

She trailed after him silently. Natsu's house came into view and she was suddenly bombarded with the morning that she found him. She had been as unsuspecting as Gildarts was. She didn't know what she was going to find. Lucy had finally convinced herself to go and check on his house, make sure everything was okay, and maybe even tidy it a bit. What she didn't expect to see was what she could only describe as a broken human being. He bore scars inside and out.

Natsu's house was steadily coming closer and she risked a look at the intimidating Mage next to her. How would he react? What was going to happen if he saw what the lively Dragon Slayer had become? She wondered if it was going to destroy him like it did the rest of the guild. She didn't want that to happen but who was she to stop him? Gildarts was obviously a man on a mission.

Déjà vu hit her like a lightning bolt. There he was again, under that same tall tree. There were good memories with that tree, his favorite tree. He used to lounge around on the branches and spend the day sleeping peacefully and staring dreamily at the blue sky. Natsu was in the same position he was the last time. The same vacant look in his eyes. If it was possible, it looked like he had lost even more weight. His clothes literally drowned him.

"Natsu," Gildarts eyes had widened into saucers. All pretenses of warrior mode now vanished. Natsu didn't even seem to register that there was another human being in the vicinity, maybe even on the planet. He just sat there and stared at the sky. "Look at me… please." Gildarts looked to be in physical pain. Lucy backed away slowly to give them some much needed privacy.

"Leave," Natsu's voice sliced the air like a knife making Lucy freeze in her retreat. Gildarts stumbled back as the words hit their target. "Just- leave me be."

"Natsu," Gildarts sounded like he was pleading. Lucy shot him an incredulous look. Since when did the mighty Gildarts _beg_? Natsu still ignored him and looked back forlornly to the sky. The image reminded her of a sad majestic dragon. "Natsu please."

Natus's dark eyes move slowly to the despondent adult. "What? Hm? What do you want from me? Do you want to talk about it? No, maybe you want me to just smile and play pretend. Well, everything is not okay and I don't want to talk about it. I want to be left _alone_." Gildarts seemed panicked. That was never a good sign in Lucy's book. Natsu's voice was bereft of any emotion. No anger nor hate, nothing, just absolutely nothing.

"What happened to you? Tell me Natsu!" Gildarts was a vessel of emotions. She couldn't exactly pinpoint which one he was feeling.

"I died."

The statement hung in the air and permeated the sunny afternoon, covering it in darkness. Lucy stared at the obviously alive person in front of her. She didn't know what to make of the statement and it seemed neither did Gildarts.

"What you see is a corpse with nothing to live for," his voice is still deadpanned. "Whatever you want from me, I can no longer give you. Natsu Dragneel is, by all means, dead."

Lucy felt the tears fill her eyes and spill before she could stop them. This wasn't right. This wasn't how this was supposed to happen. When she saw Natsu for the first time in two years, there should have been a rambunctious spiky pink haired boy running into her arms. He should have sauntered into the guild and take his place next to Happy. He was supposed to greet Gildarts back by starting a fight. This wasn't right! Natsu wasn't supposed to be like this! She flung herself at the unsuspecting Dragon Slayer. She held him tight and even when he tried to push her away, she only held on tighter. "Let us in. If you are dead then let your nakama bring you back to life. Don't shut us out. We are here for you! We- we love you."

* * *

"We- we love you." With those words, Natsu felt all the fight leave him in one fell swoop. He clenched his eyes shut, and tried not to feel her arms around him. He tried to push back the dark memories associated with the embrace. But, most of all, he tried to dispel of the rising nausea that the words gave him.

He wanted to laugh, because she sounded like she actually meant it. He wanted to cry, because maybe she did mean the words. He wanted to actually believe that she could love him. But he knew, oh Natsu knew, that it was a lie. All of it was a lie. No one actually cared about him. Two years in the pit taught him that.

Natsu finally pushed her away with a force he didn't know he was capable of. They wanted him to talk. They wanted him to relive every moment of the past two years. He shivered involuntarily. As if living through it once wasn't enough. What was _talking_ about it going to do for him? Help him "heal". It was only going to cause him more pain.

He got up shakily and stared off in the opposite direction. He knew exactly what was going through Lucy's mind, as well as Gildarts'. _This wasn't how this was supposed to happen. _He knew they expected him to just shrug it off. They had expected a Natsu that was carefree or baggage-free, as he liked to think of it.

"Natsu," Gildarts voice is demanding. There it is, the last shred of patience. He knew Gildarts well. The older Mage was nothing but a man with two faces. On one side, there was an easygoing, mellow type of man. A man that seemed almost childlike. Then there was the warrior side. The side that takes situations by the horns and handles it. A hardened man that is forced to make the hard decisions and ask the hard questions. Natsu could feel Gildarts slipping into warrior mode. "You will tell me what is going on! No more of this kind of behavior. And since when do you burn your friends? What is wrong with you?"

_What _is _wrong with me?_

Natsu wished he had all the answers. Maybe life could've been different if he did. What would happen when he told them where he had been in the last two years? Nothing. That's what would happen. There is no amount of talking that could reverse the darkness that lay just below the surface. The only thing that would change, is their view of him. The image of him that he wanted them to have would be tainted and ruined. He didn't want them to carry this burden. It was his cross to bear, and he would bear it alone.

"You want to know something about the last two years?" He turned around to see the two guild members leaning in eagerly. "There was no one there." He watched in satisfaction as the words hit their mark. Both simultaneously flinched back. "Sometimes, when the pain was white hot, I would scream. I would scream for you to save me. I would shout until my throat is sore. And then I would shout some more. There were times when I would convince myself that next time, surely next time, my friends would come to save me. Then next time would come around, and you still weren't there."

Natsu walked away, not even looking back to see how his friends took his words. He knew what he was doing with those particular memories. He chose the ones that would hurt the most, so they would leave him in peace. That was all he begged for nowadays. He prayed, though he knew better than to expect results, for blessed peace.

Natsu wandered around the forest absentmindedly. He was stuck in his mind and he no longer knew the way out. He could spend days in his mind and not know it. "Natsu?" A startled voice is what plunged him out of his mind. He met the shocked red eyes of Porlyusica. She was standing in front of her home with a brandished broom. "What are you doing here?"

Natsu fought back the urge to sigh. He was beginning to hate questions. He had had his fill of them today. "I was just strolling by. Sorry to have disturbed you."

Porlyusica furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "I would believe you if you hadn't been standing in front of my house for the past fifteen minutes. I don't know what kind of game you are playing boy, but you better take it as far away from my home as possible."

At finding out he hadn't moved in that amount of time, Natsu uttering a soft "oh". He almost, _almost_, smiled at the abrasive tone of the hermit. It was refreshing. "I'm sorry Porlyusica. I didn't mean to alarm you."

Her eyebrows rose to almost comical heights on her face. Then she said something that Natsu was sure she didn't offer a lot. "Come in for a bit. You look like you could use a bit of tea." He followed the pink-haired healer in stunned silence.

The home was cozy and begged for company that didn't normally grace it. He wondered why Porlyusica lived alone. He wouldn't wish being alone on his worst enemy. The smell of an herbal tea is pushed abruptly under his nose. He graciously curled up on the armchair by the roaring fire and sipped the tea. He hummed in appreciation at the hit of spice that tingled his throat on the way down.

"The color of your aura is interesting."

Natsu's eyebrows knit together in confusion. "My aura?"

Porlyusica isn't looking at him. She stares off into the fire as her voice takes on a storytelling lilt. "Everyone has an aura. It displays a person's… wellbeing, for lack of a better word. Each person has a unique default aura. Yours is a vibrant red, it sort of reminds me of a hearth. There is a homely feeling about your aura." Natsu listened to the woman enraptured. "However, in certain cases, auras can change in shade, hues, and in extreme cases a different color entirely. Your aura has changed colors. Your vibrant red is now a muddy swamp green. This usually means the person is unwell. Whether it be physical sickness or sickness of the mind. I cringe to think what could change your aura to such a color. They are on completely different sides of the spectrum."

Natsu reeled from all the information thrown at him. It gave him insight on how Porlyusica viewed people, and probably why she didn't want to be around many humans. To see what everyone was feeling all the time, it would be hell. He felt like Porlyusica was sharing a little of herself with him. This information had Natsu feeling humbled.

"May I ask, what brought on such a drastic change in your aura?" He wanted to smile at the wording. If only his muscles remembered how to smile. Her request gave him the perfect out to the question. Natsu mulled it over in his head. The request was… fair. It didn't need to be a detailed description. So he settled on one word.

"Golem."

* * *

_**A/N: I have finally finished this second chapter. I felt the need to almost completely re-do it. Once I started making changes, I just couldn't stop. I will begin working on Chapter Three and get that up soon. As always I hoped you enjoyed and I encourage you to review. Tell me how you like the changes and what you didn't like. Ciao. ~RiLeY~**_

_**P.S: If this is your first time reading this story then there are some things I need to rectify. When I though of the name Golem in my head, it sounded like Go-lem rather than the more pronounced Gah-lem. I thought that it would be better to understand pronunciation so that you can maybe better understand the story. **_


	3. Holding On and Letting Go

**FAIRY TAIL CHAPTER THREE**

Disclaimer: No profits are being received for the Fairy Tail franchise. Any recognizable characters are only being used and will be put back in the toy chest for others to use. This is written purely for my enjoyment, and hopefully the reader as well.

**HOLDING ON AND LETTING GO**

* * *

Open up next to you and my secrets become your truth  
And the distance between that was sheltering me comes in full view  
Hang my head, break my heart built from all I have torn apart  
And my burden to bear is a love I can't carry anymore  
-Breath Again by Sara Bareilles

* * *

The glaring heat of the Sun was what woke Natsu from his fitful slumber. He opened his dark eyes to clear blue skies. It didn't take long for his mind to muddle through its sleepy haze. Last night with Polyrusica was a mistake. He had revealed more, with that one name, than he ever would've wanted to. Exhaustion pressed into his temples. It was as if that one admission had drained his last reservoir of energy.

Natsu wasn't going to lie to himself though. There was this tiny part of himself that felt relief. He had finally told someone; he didn't have to carry his burden alone anymore. A wave of nausea overtook Natsu. He disgust himself. That relief, that shaky sense of peace that he had last night was selfish. He was being utterly and completely selfish. This was his burden. The darkness that polluted his mind was dangerous. He didn't want it to destroy anyone else like it destroyed him. They deserved so much more than that… than him. He could handle it by himself.

Natsu jumped down from the tree he was sleeping in. A couple of nights ago, Natsu woke up to a panic attack. The walls of his home, the blanket he was using, even the clothes on his back seemed to close in on him making him feel claustrophobic. Once outside, Natsu felt the tension in his body leave. So, Natsu started to sleep in his favorite tree. The open space and fresh air helped him sleep better. He looked down at his sweat soaked shirt and dirt caked clothing. He was in desperate need of a bath.

A soft female voice drifted to him on the light morning breeze humming a slow sad tune as he made his way down the hill. When he finally reached the bottom of the hill close to the river, he caught sight of her. Kiyomi's hair was tied back with a big lavender bow. She was elbow deep in the river washing a big white sheet. Her seashell lips were pursed as the notes flew flawlessly from her mouth.

Natsu hid behind a tree and clenched his eyes shut. Unbeknownst to the petite girl, Natsu had replayed their meeting a thousand times over in his head. He spent a lot of moments reveling in the feeling of her soft unfamiliar hands and comfortable silence. She was something new to him. He didn't quite fully understand the natural gravitation he felt towards her. Was it her quiet nature? Was it the way her smile tied his stomach in knots? Was it her kind violet depths? In such a short amount of time, she had erected herself as a pillar of light in the middle of his darkness. An angel in his hell. Natsu stayed behind the tree for another minute gathering his wits. He exited from his hiding place and headed straight for the raven haired beauty.

"A happier tune would suit you better," he drawled quietly behind her. Kiyomi jumped slightly and promptly dropped the sheet in the river. Her eyes widened into saucers. It seemed to take her a moment to process what was happening before she hastily plunged her hands deep into the water after the sheet. When she straightened, she had a sopping wet sheet and dress to match. Her purple eyes then fixated on him. She sent him a crooked frown that looked more like she was trying not to smile.

Natsu grinned inwardly and plopped himself down next to her. He could always take that bath tomorrow. "Do you want help," he found himself asking.

She glanced at him and graced him with another small secret smile. "No." Natsu's heart sunk despondently to the pit of his stomach. That wasn't the answer he was expecting. "I want you to take that bath you came for." Natsu gave her a startled look.

"H-how-"

"Doesn't matter," she stated plainly cutting off his question. "Take your bath. If you're still feeling helpful, then meet me by the clothes lines." Without another word, Kiyomi walked away with the basket of wet clothing on her hip.

Natsu made sure that he was absolutely alone before he started to strip. There was something about being naked that personified vulnerability. He had been putting off this bath for a while. His last defense, his clothes, was all he had. Everything else had been stripped from him. His dignity, his honor, even his power. He could no longer call on his Dragon Slayer magic. Burning Gray had been a simple parlor trick with a match. It was this that hurt him more than anything in the world. The last thing that tied him to Dragneel was no longer available to him. It made the ancient loss that much more palpable.

The water was surprisingly warm. He lay on his back and let the water carry his weight for a while. It was a freeing feeling. For the first time in a long time, Natsu didn't have to carry his own weight. He closed his eyes and let himself appreciate the bright summer day.

Water is supposed to represent repentance. When one gets baptized, the person submerges themselves under the water to be made anew. It could also mean rebirth, the washing away of sins. Natsu felt as if the grime and dirt from the past two years were being washed away, and for a brief moment Natsu felt like his old self. The person he was when he had no worries. He lay there in quiet contentment.

Natsu then opened his eyes, and just like that the illusion was shattered. The moment was gone, and the weight was back. He stood up in the waist deep river and finished washing himself. Despite the return of the crushing heaviness in his heart, there was a part of him that felt just a little bit lighter.

Natsu finished getting dressed and made his way to the clothes lines. He trudged up a hill and the small guild building started to come into view. Off to the side was tiny Kiyomi trying to get the sheet over the line. Her fingers grazed lightly against the bottom of the line over and over again as she jumped up to get the sheet over. The sight had Natsu wanting to laugh. He walked over to her

"Looks like you need help," he said loudly announcing himself. For the second time that morning Kiyomi dropped the sheet. But Natsu had caught her in mid-jump to put the sheet up and so she fell quite ungracefully on her bum next to the sheet. Natsu couldn't contain it anymore. Kiyomi's face was so red. He let out a snicker of amusement. He doubled back in surprise. That was the first time he had even attempted to laugh in two years.

"Did- did you just _laugh at me_?" She had a surprised look on her face which then swiftly morphed into an indignant scowl. "_You're_ laughing at _me_! After scaring the wits out of me!" Kiyomi got up and put a threatening finger in his face. "And for the second time today too! What do you have to say for yourself?" She finished with a sassy hand on her hip. Her violet eyes narrowed in annoyance.

It was at that moment that Natsu realized that he was enjoying himself. He was having a bit of fun. He didn't think he even remembered what the word meant. He found that he liked teasing her and riling her up. She awoke in him a mischievous side that he thought he had lost forever. "Boo," Natsu said slyly with a faint smirk. Her eyes widened as well as his. Did- did he just try to make a _joke_? They stared at each other bewildered and silent. Kiyomi was the one to break the silence with bell-like laughter. She clutched her side and doubled over. Natsu stared at her in amusement and found himself starting to join in.

"N-Natsu?" His hoarse laughter abruptly ended at the voice that called him. Natsu didn't dare look behind him. His eyes, of their own violation, sought out Kiyomi. She had also stopped laughing and stared back at him with sad purple depths. He pleaded with her silently. He couldn't do it. He couldn't face them. Even now, when he felt more like himself than he had since the incident.

"Natsu." Erza's voice cut through him like a knife. That was the voice that he had dreaded the most. He was waiting for her to turn up eventually, but nothing could prepare him for the pain that it sent through him. His tormenter used her voice in the worst of ways. "Look at me."

He couldn't. Didn't they understand! He just couldn't deal with it all. His emotions ran rampant in his mind. He didn't know what to feel. Was he even feeling anymore? His eyes watered and Kiyomi blurred. He didn't want to be this weak! He wished with all his might that he was strong enough to revert back to the person he was. He wanted nothing more than to run into their arms and be the person they need him to be. But, he was damaged. He had enough sense to know that he did not leave that pit unscathed. He knew that Golem had taken a part of him that could never be regained. He knew all of these things, why couldn't _they_ understand. Why couldn't they just let him try to puzzle himself back together _alone_?

He closed his eyes against the tears that threatened to spill forth with a vengeance. He couldn't help but think sometimes that he deserved what he got. He deserved to be stripped of everything he ever loved because he was weak. He was just so weak and useless.

"I don't think that now is a very good time." Her musical voice reached him through the darkness, and he clutched to it like a drowning man. He used it to regain his composure and find his way back into the light. He inhaled a shaky breath and opened his eyes. Kiyomi was once again staring at him with those mesmerizing eyes. The sadness that stained them turned them into a lovely shade of mauve. He wanted to be consumed by those eyes. He wanted to fall into the abyss of purples and never resurface.

"He was just laughing a few seconds ago. The time is perfect," Erza argued. He could hear her stubbornness raising its ugly head. She wasn't going to back down.

He turned around slowly. There were four people in front of him. His team. The people he trusted the most in this world. Gray was to the left of Erza and Lucy was to the right while Happy was on Lucy's shoulders. Erza had grown. She looked healthy and strong. Her eyes looked directly at him and seemed to peer into his soul. He looked away promptly. Erza would be the one to figure it out. She would see everything because she always knew him the best. They have known each other since they were children. They were both orphans and alone in the world except for each other. She knew him a little better than himself most times.

"I want nothing to do with you. Any of you," he said deadpanned. He had to learn a long time ago that emotions were dangerous things. He couldn't afford to show them because they could be used against him. That was what Golem did. He used every emotion there was and turned it against Natsu and used it was a weapon. It was the worst kind of torture.

"Natsu," her voice was uncharacteristically soft. "You aren't being yourself. I would know, wouldn't I? Tell me what's wrong. Tell me what's bothering you." He exhaled sharply. She wasn't being fair. That voice… that was the voice that she used to use when they were children. When everyone was asleep and he had a nightmare, Erza was there to lull him back to sleep. He called it her nee-san voice.

"I want to be left alone." He never wanted them to know he was back in the first place. Fate seemed to hate him personally, because it was fate that Lucy had come by the time that she did. He was hoping for some time. He didn't want to deal with it all at once. It was too much for him. He wasn't ready to talk about it. He wasn't ready to plunge back in to the chasm of darkness that he only just escape. He wanted to stay in the light a little more.

"You have been through something and you need to talk about it. Isolating yourself isn't going to help you Natsu," His name uttered from those lips sent a shiver of pure dread down his spine. "You need to talk about it."

Why does everyone keep telling him that? Why does everyone want him to go through that again? He didn't enjoy it the first time. He sure as hell wouldn't enjoy it a second time.

He looked directly at Lucy, who had made it a point to not look at him the entire time. She seemed to feel his eyes on her and finally looked in his direction. He could see the storm in her brown eyes. They looked at him haunted by what he must have gone through and he had only shown her a brief glimpse. "Fine, I'll talk." Lucy visibly flinched. She knew what was coming. "I heard your voices. When I was on the precipice of death, I imagined that you guys were coming for me. Even after so much time had passed, I still held out on the hope that you would save me. I tried to tell myself that it was hopeless to believe that you were coming to save me. You would've done it already. But I held faith in you guys. That maybe today would be the day. But then I would regain consciousness and sit there in darkness, alone and still waiting for you. No matter how much I had been through, or how much I tried not to, I still waited for you." Lucy's eyes stared to water and she ran off with an equally distraught Happy.

Erza looked pained. She was stiff and unmoving. They wanted to know. They wanted a view into his hell, so he would show them. "Natsu," her voice was feather light. "I- I had no-"

He didn't let her finish. "No, you didn't. You didn't care enough to. If you did, then things would be much different. You all told me once that I could count on you then all of you let me down in the worst of ways." He walked away after that leaving everyone behind. He needed time to get himself together and regain his composure.

He went back to the river. The rush of the river calmed his nerves. He lost himself in the motion. It was so easy for him to lose himself in nature. He never thought that he would see the sun or trees again. It gave him a new appreciation for everything around him. "You are lucky, you know." He closed his eyes at the voice. Everything about her gave him a temporary sense of peace. A balm for his ailment.

"I don't feel lucky." She say down next to him. He could feel every curve and crevice of her slight frame beside him. He could feel her warmth.

"But you are. Them coming back time and again. Never leaving you alone even though you want to be. It means that they care. You have so many people that care about you. You are lucky to have so much. Honestly, I'm a little jealous."

He looked over at Kiyomi with wide eyes. _She _was jealous of _him._ "How- how could you even say that? If you only knew…"

"It's true. I don't know. But, that still doesn't mean you don't have people who care. I've never had that. I've always been alone. You have so many people. People who are willing to be there for you and help you. It is a powerful weapon to have. You should cherish it." She got up and walked away, leaving him to chew on what she just said.

He wasn't alone… then why does he feel so alone.

* * *

_**A/N: This chapter took way longer than I had anticipated. I had writers block about half way through. It's actually kind of stupid, because I already have the chapter already written. But, if you can't tell this chapter is almost completely remodeled. I was never really happy with the first chapter anyways. As per usual I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I encourage you to tell me what you like from what you don't like. Ciao. ~RiLeY~**_


	4. Memories

**FAIRY TAIL CHAPTER FOUR**

Disclaimer: No profits are being received on behalf of the Fairy Tail Franchise. The characters are simply being used and abused and will be put back in the toy chest for further use. However, they may not be returned in their originally pristine condition. For that, I apologize.

**MEMORIES**

* * *

Memory  
Turn your face to the moonlight  
Let your memory lead you  
Open up, enter in  
If you find there  
The meaning of what happiness is  
Then a new life will begin  
\- _Memory _from CATS

* * *

Kiyomi watched the clouds glide by lazily in the sky. There was a game she liked to play at times like these, when she just needed to unwind and relax. She liked to find pictures in the sky and make stories out of them. She figured it was a childhood habit she could never quite shake for she had no recollection of ever doing this prior to her life at the guild. Whenever she needed to think deeply about something, Kiyomi always found herself under a bright blue sunny day watching the clouds float by slowly. There was something about the action always calmed her thoughts and cleared her head.

So, with much weighing on her mind, Kiyomi found herself on a soft patch of grass not too far from her small cabin house looking at the sky. She watched as peculiarly familiar spiky haired figure drifted into her view. She let out a wearied sigh. Somehow thoughts of _him_ always seemed to find its way back to her. There was this side to Natsu that he would only show to her. He would only let her see but a shadow of the person he once was. However, every once in a while, a very rare occurrence, he would grace her with a genuine smile that would light up his whole face and fill her with a strange kind of peace.

Kiyomi groaned in frustration. She wished she could help him. Her diagnosis of him showed severe signs of torture and mental trauma. He had been through so much and she wanted to heal his wounds and scar. She never wanted that smile to go away. But he wouldn't open up, not to her, not to anyone. He figured that if he just ignored what happened, then it would just go away. She wanted, no she needed, him to understand that for him to be whole again he would have to face whatever demons he had.

"Yomi-chan," Happy's voice called to her from the bottom of the small hill kicking her out of her thoughts and back into reality. Suddenly, a feeling overtook her. Like there was a hairline crack in a dam in her brain.

"_Yomi-chan."_

A girl with a blonde bob and sweet hazel eyes assaulted the insides of her eyeballs. She was waving happily to her from the bottom of a grassy hill. And then, as suddenly as the image had come it ended. Kiyomi sat up and curled her head into her lap. She had a pounding headache. Her violet eyes filled with tears at the searing pain in her mind. Something was wrong and she had this sinking feeling in her stomach.

"Yomi!" Happy's voice was by her ear and full of unease. She could feel the neko's soft paws touch her arm in worry. She opened her eyes to see the blue Exceed staring at her with his eyebrows furrowed. She blinked as the pain ebbed away like the tide and scratched the cat behind his ears reassuringly.

"Hello Happy," she said in her sweet breezy voice. "I hope I didn't worry you too much. It was just a little headache." The blue neko visibly calmed and settled onto her now exposed lap. She stared down at the neko tenderly. He was beginning to make this a habit. When Natsu had returned and basically spurned any company around him, Happy was heartbroken. He confided in her. He told her of the bond that he shared with the Dragon Slayer. So, Happy came to her in his agony and he seemed most content to just sit next to Kiyomi and take her silent comfort. Happy was always attached to her, even before Natsu's return. He had grown close to her. She had to admit, she had also grown a soft spot for the flying cat. She had always wanted a pet. She lay back down and the blue neko curled himself into a ball on her stomach. They lay together in quiet peace. Kiyomi felt her eyelids get heavy and so she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

"_Yomi-chan," The girl waved to Kiyomi from the bottom of the hill. She had huge kind hazel eyes with a short bob of blonde hair. "Come play with me." _

_Kiyomi looked down at herself. She was about ten years old. She looked back to the little girl to find her right in front of her. The girl took Kiyomi's hands in hers and dragged her down the hill to where a town was hidden in the valley. Kiyomi looked all around her in confusion. This place seemed… familiar. Though she had no memory or recollection of ever visiting here. The girl halted suddenly and Kiyomi almost ran into her. _

"_Hey, Yomi-chan," the girl looked away from her shyly. She didn't answer but the girl went on like she did. "Do you want to come live with me? Kaa-san says that it isn't good that you live all by yourself. She said that you need a family." The girl looked up and stared at Kiyomi's eyes seriously. "Will you be a part of my family Yomi-chan?"_

* * *

Kiyomi gasped awake. Her brain pounded against her skull ferociously. She cried out in pain. A pair of muscular arms gathered her against a warm body and lifted her off the grass. She could vaguely hear a nervous Happy in the background as the figure carried her away. She tilted her head to see who was carrying her but the angle only worsened her pain causing her to groan loudly and her eyes to fill with unshed tears. She felt the arms tighten in response. She heard a tenor voice talking to her in soothing tones. The noises the figure was making, was like a strange lullaby. It soothed her into a sleepy state. Before she could stop herself, Kiyomi drifted off back to sleep.

* * *

"_Kiyomi!" The panicked voice echoed throughout town. "Kiyomi, where are you?!" She watched her twelve year old self hastily get up from the small four people table set for breakfast. She followed the tiny petite girl to the tall lanky man that was franticly looking around him in the middle of town. _

"_Nii-san!" Little Kiyomi ran into the unsuspecting man. He looked down at the bundle in his arms in surprise. He then grasped her to him closely as if she was the most precious thing to him. Kiyomi looked at the pair with wide eyed confusion. The mini version Kiyomi looked up at her brother but Kiyomi could see the discomfort in her eyes. She could understand why the child would be edgy. The man that was supposedly her older brother had sunken defined cheeks and sickly pale skin. There were shadows under his eyes and his nails looked yellowed and cracked. He gave off the aura of someone half dead and rotting away in his flesh. There was an atmosphere around him that left everyone ill at ease. _

"_Kiyomi, where did you go? Why weren't you at the cottage? Why did you leave me?" The man's voice sent shivers down both the girls' spines. His voice had a raspy edge to it, like a man in dire need of a glass of water. _

_The little twelve year old fixed the older boy with a stern angry expression. "Where did _I_ go?!" _

_The older boy had the decency to look sheepish as he pulled the girl into a tight hug. "I'm sorry. Please come home." _

_Little Kiyomi pulled away and stared at the house that she had exited from with a sad expression. "I'll go grab my things." Little Kiyomi then dragged her feet back into the house and began to pack her belongings to go back to the cold, cramped cottage from which she was saved from two years ago._

* * *

Kiyomi woke up to warmth. She opened her eyes and shifted a little only to feel an arm carelessy slung across her tiny waist. She stiffened and looked to the space next to her. Sleeping with his mouth wide open was Natsu. His hair stuck out in all directions and his expression peaceful. She looked at the untroubled face beside her and decided to let him sleep before she kicked him out of her bed. As indecent as it was to have him in her bed, she figured she should let him get some sleep when it was clear to her he doesn't rest well enough. Kiyomi relaxed back into her mattress and stared at her wooden ceiling.

None of her dreams were making any sense. It seemed like she was remembering things from when she was a child but she had memories. These recollections she appeared to be having were not a part of them. She was alone as a child. She grew up in a group home until she ran away from the awful place. She eventually learned to control her Wind magic skills through various teachers. All this nonsense about joining families and older brothers wasn't true… couldn't be true. It had to be her mind playing cruel jokes on her.

She was pretty sure she would remember once having a family or an older brother. Since she was a little girl she always had this cold feeling in the pits of her soul. A loneliness that haunted her day and night. She always felt like there was a hole in her somewhere that was never filled. Many people had come and left her in her life, but no one ever had the capacity to fill the hole. She was always alone, with no one to call her own. Maybe that was why she was so drawn to the pink haired man next to her. He also seemed very alone. But, he had people to call his own. He had a family. If only he could open his eyes a little wider to see that. She needed to make him see that.

As if woken by her thoughts, Natsu stirred. His arm tightened around her waist in his half-asleep state. She looked over to him and watched as his black eyes opened slowly to greet her sleepily. She almost laughed at the comical way his eyes bugged out of his face and how red his face turned. She did, however, laugh when he attempted to create space between them and promptly fell with a resounding _thunk_ onto her floor.

"S' not funny," he grumbled as he picked himself off the floor rubbing a sore spot on his head. Without warning, Natsu seated himself on the edge of her bed and put his hand on her forehead. "How are you feeling?" His voice held a seriousness and worry that touched her heart.

Kiyomi's cheeks heated at the unexpected touch. Was she sick? She didn't feel sick. Her eyes met his confusedly. "You had a fever. I think it broke overnight." He took his hand back and stared at her. "Thank goodness. You had me scared."

Her cheeks darkened and she looked down at her fingers that twisted nervously on her duvet. "Did-did you take care of me?" she asked shyly.

"Y-yeah," he stuttered equally as shy.

"Thank you." She looked deep into his dark pools of charcoal hoping to show him how grateful she was.

He was the first to look away. "It was nothing really."

She reached out a hand and lightly touched his that was clenching the edge of her duvet like a lifeline. "No. Truly, I thank you." She looked back up at her ceiling. "I've never really had someone take care of me. I guess I have always done the caring." He squeezed her hand and she smiled softly to the wood above her. "Where is Happy?"

Natsu shifted uncomfortably. "He was worried about you. He came to visit a couple of times."

She smiled widely. He had talked to Happy. There it was, the sliver of hope that she was looking for. He was making progress.The fact that he could even be in the same room with the neko was a step forward in the right direction. _I'm going to heal him,_ she vowed to herself silently. _I'm going to erase whatever it is that blocks him from being happy. _And she meant it. She was going to heal every scar that he had. She was going to see to it that he would smile without reservation. She was going to bring back to everyone the man that was lost. No matter what it would take.

"Oh! That reminds me. Natsu, what exactly were you doing _in_ my bed?" She laughed at the flustered look on his face and not too long after she heard the lovely sound of his laughter joining hers.

* * *

_**A/N: I sincerely apologize for the wait on this chapter. With finals and an impromptu trip across America, I simply haven't had the time to write anything. However, rejoice with me because construction is now over and I can begin pushing out new chapters. You may not care, but the reason for all the changes and rewriting was because I think I got too excited to tell you guys all about my plot lines that I doled them out too soon leaving me with limited writing ideas for the next chapters. I'm actually really happy with the reediting of this story and hope that it flourishes the way I want it to. As always, I hope you guys enjoyed this lovely chapter. Tell me if you like the changes or if you don't. Ciao. ~RiLeY~**_


	5. Progress

**FAIRY TAIL CHAPTER FIVE**

Disclaimer: I own nothing and receive nothing of the Fairy Tail franchise. I only borrow what isn't mine, take some advantage, then put it back in the toy chest for further use.

**PROGRESS**

* * *

A voice from the past echoes the fate -  
A tale of all things yet to come  
As it once was, so it shall be again  
-_Symphony X_ – "Rediscovery (Part II) - The New Mythology"

* * *

"I've been expecting you."

Kiyomi shifted from foot to foot nervously. She had thought this was a good idea. She really did. But now that she was here, she didn't think it was such a great idea anymore. She had been rifling through her things trying to get the disconcerting feeling about her past out of her head when she stumbled upon a small piece of paper. It had an address and an in case of emergency note. It had definitely been an emergency. She was slowly losing her mind. What was supposed to be up was down for her and so she sought out the help that the paper provided. Now she wasn't so sure.

The cloaked man sat in the winged armchair languidly with his booted feet crossed on the coffee table in front of him. He twirled his staff in his hands in a bored manner. It was such a beautifully carved thing. There were ancient runes that she didn't understand engrained all among the dark enchanted wood. In the middle above the grip piece where his hands went is surrounded in crystal that took the shape of an hourglass. Inside the hourglass are small grains of glowing blue sand that from time to time trickled from one end to the other, completely defying gravity and the laws of physics.

"What- what is happening to me?" Her voice crackled with uncertainty.

"How should I know?" He shrugged off the question and stared at Kiyomi with blank icy pools of obsidian_. 'He is purposefully being obtuse_,' she realized. She clenched her fists to regain control over the sudden tidal of rage that threatened to consume her. She reminded herself that she needed him. She just wanted the headaches to go away.

"You just said you've been expecting me," she got the feeling that he didn't like her very much. "I only assume that means you know why I am here." She tried to stay polite so as not to anger or offend the man. She _really_ wanted those headaches to go away.

The man got up and with a flourish of his cloak and towered over her menacingly. A sliver of trepidation wormed its way down her spine. She stood tall though and stared up at him with defiant violet depths that flashed a warning color of magenta. They stared at each other for an uncomfortably long time, neither willing to give the other the upper hand. It was a weird sort of battle. He seemed to be searching for something in her purple depths and she didn't want to show weakness.

Finally, he looked away, went back to his seat, and looked up at her as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. She felt like she was going to get whiplash from all the mixed signals he was giving her. Once again he stared at her with expressionless onyx eyes. "It's nice to know the old you is still in there somewhere," he said with a slight chuckle under his breath.

"I know you? How? What is wrong with me?" Her desperation leaked into her voice now. She just wanted answers. Nothing in her life was making sense anymore. A week ago she was confident in who she was. She didn't have doubts or reservations on where she came from. Two days. Two days was all it took for her to completely question everything she had ever known about herself and her life.

"Sit." He gestured to the couch adjacent to him. She sat down gingerly waiting for another of the man's faceted personality to avail itself. He was an enigma. One that she couldn't figure out. It irked her and left an uneasy feeling in her stomach. She was uncomfortable in the presence of a man so… unpredictable. "Close your eyes." She eyed him suspiciously. Exasperation colored his dead pan expression. "Do you want me to fix your problem?!," She still looked a bit apprehensive. "I won't bite, I promise," he huffed in annoyance. She narrowed her eyes dangerously, her irises flashing magenta once more, then closed them at the stranger's behest.

It felt like he had taken a house and rested it atop her head. It was as if her brain was being squeezed through a tube two times too small for it. After that feeling dissipated, her body started tingling. It started at her toes, working its way up the soles of her feet, then to her ankles. As the tingling worked its way up her body, the more violent it got. By the time the feeling got to her head, Kiyomi was physically shaking from the force of the vibrations.

Then everything went still and Kiyomi felt like she was going to pass out from the sheer power that was running through her veins. She opened her eyes and stared wide eyed at the cloaked man sitting across from her. That was some serious spell work. She looked at him up and down and was jolted at an unexpected recognition.

"K-Kenja?" she whispered to the man wrapped in raven robes.

A sigh of relief escaped the lips of the man as he let his hood fall over his shoulders revealing his face. The man was pale, almost translucent with a long scar that ran from his upper lip to the middle of his left eyebrow. Dark sapphire hair fell into his face trying to hide his dark eyes while the rest of it just sat atop his head in a tousled mess. "There you are." Kenja surged forward and hugged the little Wind Mage against his broad chest. "Shit, I've missed you Yomes."

"Ugh!" She pushed him away and shot him a nasty look. "How many times do I have to tell you that I hate that nickname?!" Kenja only chuckled in response and settled next to her on the couch. He slouched down in a relaxed manner, and slung one arm across the back of the couch behind Kiyomi. "You're insufferable," she scoffed. Kenja grinned at the saucy look she was giving him. She was a far cry from the quiet timid girl that had walked in before.

"And _you_ are sexy when you're angry." He winked at her knowing that was only going to fuel her fire. If Kenja was going to be honest with himself, he missed his tiny spitfire. This little diminutive Wind Mage that had turned his house upside down the first time she met him because he had initially refused to take her memories. But, as time progressed and the spell preparation took place they gradually started to become good friends. It helped that she was so easy to love, with her fiery temper and sassy attitude. Because of her petite form it usually made her looked like a deranged kitten trying to be a ferocious lion.

Kiyomi sighed at her friends teasing. Internally, it felt as if someone had removed a veil in her mind that hid important information. It explained why she couldn't even recognize her own best friend. "Kenja, what happened?" She stared into his eyes, his once dead pan gaze displaying to her his innermost thoughts and feelings.

"I had warned you, didn't I? Memories, especially the ones that you wanted gone has a way of finding its way back into the light. The spell is just a layering of my magic to section off those memories that you didn't want. It then causes a rippling effect in your mind thus distorting what you thought was true. Somewhat like creating a whole new reality but only in your brain. Memories that you thought you had were simple side effects to the layering of the magic.

"However, there is an Achilles heel of sorts to this kind of spell. For everyone it is different but something, and something very specific, will cause the barrier around the memories to weaken. Most times, it is exceptionally rare for people to encounter whatever it is. But, it is not unheard of. So, you had an encounter with whatever your Achilles heel was, and that made the barrier around that part of your mind to weaken and some of the memories to leak out. You most likely would've experienced severe headaches and slight nausea. That's because the spell is trying to repair itself."

"That's truly impressive Kenja."

"Keep talking like that Koibito and I may get the wrong idea." Kenja waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively.

Kiyomi rolled her eyes and elbowed him playfully. She missed him. She missed her insufferable, arrogant, flirtatious, loyal, smart, and funny friend. Her confidant and support. It took two years for her to prepare for a spell of this magnitude. Within that time, she had grown attached to the stupid Spell Weaver to the point where she felt extremely horrible for not only failing to recognize him but not trusting him either.

She stiffened at a surprising thought. "Hey Ken, how come my personality was so different?"

Kenja looked down at her and barked out a laugh. "You hated how you were don't you. It's okay to be a delicate flower somet- oof!" She jabbed him in the side nearest to her. "Alright, alright. Mercy, little Wind Mage." She wrinkled her nose at him and he sniggered. "Like I said, there were many side effects to the spell. It's a rippling effect. Because your memories were so thoroughly altered, it affected who you were. That personality was a direct result of who you would have been had the alternate reality actually been true, and it technically was to you."

"Hmph! So you're saying that if I had been an orphan, I'd have grown up to be a quiet, spineless, _delicate fucking flower_." Kenja doubled over in laughter at her outburst and obvious chagrin. She had to admit, though, that there were some good points to her alter ego. Other her had patience, and an overall calming nature of which she obviously lacked. She also had to admit that it was just the kind of person that Natsu would need to heal. A person who was patient and kind to him. Not the short tempered and reckless girl she actually was. She had promised herself that she would heal his broken soul and she had meant it. No matter what the circumstances that remained fact.

"Oh, I really have missed you," Kenja said breathlessly, wiping a tear from his eye.

"Can you do it again?"

"What?" He stared at her with slack jawed surprise.

"Can you redo the spell?"

"Yomes… you just admitted that you hated who you were under the spell. Why would you want to do it again?"

She turned away from her best friend. "I made a promise. I can't fulfill that promise if I remain who I am. As much as it pains me to say this, I need to be the flower."

All pretenses of laughter were now erased from his face and he stared at her with a serious, flinty expression. "I can. It would return you back to your state. Luckily for you, since you have already been exposed to the spell it'll be easier to rebuild from the foundation that should still be there. The only catch is instead of two years, it'll still take us several months, five to be exact."

Kiyomi groaned and put her head in her hands. "I don't have that amount of time Ken. You sure?" At his nod another groan was elicited from her pastel lips.

Her best friend took her hand in his strangely soft ones and motioned for her to look at him. A wise look was plastered on his scarred face looking a bit out of place. "I don't know what kind of promise you made, or who you made it to. What I do know is that the Yomes I know is one kickass person and if that person can't see that then it's their loss." She opened her mouth to protest. "_Despite_ anything, if you really need your alter ego, she is there for you if you need her. All you have to do is reach for her. She is you. She had always been you, warrant a once deep hidden part of you, but you all the same. Once she was created, she cannot be destroyed. She'll come out when you really need her. Everything will be fine. Trust me."

Kiyomi exhaled through her nose to hold back the tears that his words brought forth. "Hug me you idiot," she mumbled. After their tight, emotion-filled embrace, things went relatively smooth afterwards. They chatted over tea and a light lunch until it was time for Kiyomi to journey back to her guild.

"Koibito," Kenja said with barely suppressed emotion. "Come back so we can play okay?" He pulled her small form against his tightly. "_Soon_."

She laughed and pulled away from the man she considered her _true_ brother. She gave him a friendly swat against the chest. "Of course I will baka."

The road back to Magnolia Town was long and quiet and just what she needed. She wanted to get reacquainted with the veiled part of her mind. She didn't completely remember everything about her life just yet but she was more than willing to take the time to remember everything. She wanted to remember who this girl with blonde hair and green eyes had been to her. The mere thought of the little girl sent warmth into the depths of her heart. She also wanted to know what happened to her brother. Where was he? Was he dead? It pained her to think that she had gained a family member only to find out that she was once again all alone.

She wondered what happened to her parents. How did they die? Was it natural? Unnatural? Did they love her? Did she even remember them? There were so many unanswered questions that it was starting to cause a familiar and dreaded pulse in her brain. She looked up to see the outline of Magnolia under the moonlight. The one thing that she wanted to know above all, was why she needed to go to Kenja in the first place. What could have been so bad that she wouldn't want to remember any of it? It procured an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"YOMI-CHAN," Happy's voice floated to her from where her house sat at the top of the hill. She grinned like mad to see the small neko waiting for her. Her smile widened impressively when she saw a hunched over moody Natsu leaning against the wall of the house along with the blue neko. The tiny Exceed barreled into her stomach and hugged her enthusiastically. She returned to hug with equal amounts of zeal.

"Hello Happy," she said merrily when the two pulled away from each other. "I take it you missed me today?"

Happy nodded enthusiastically causing a chuckle to escape from her lips. "I did! And guess what Yomi-chan? Natsu said he would go fishing with me tomorrow. And that he would give me all the fish. I may have to share some with Clara, cause it'll probably be too much for me…" Happy chattered on cheerily not even noticing that no one was paying attention to him anymore.

Amusement laced her voice as she sidled over to the pink haired Dragon Slayer that looked like he would rather curl up within himself and die. "Is that so?" He finally looked up and over at her with twinkling dark eyes. She hummed happily at his expression and whispered to him feeling a bit bold due to having her personality back. "And did you miss me today Natsu?" She suppressed her need to smirk at the flush on his cheeks and reddening ears. She mock pouted. "I don't even get a hug?" She watched with barely held laughter as he fell from his collected pose against the wall. He squirmed under her mirth filled gaze, seemingly trying to battle out his instincts to actually hug her or not. When she finally felt like she'd tortured him enough, she pulled him into a stiff hug. "Well, I missed you, you silly goof," she murmured in his ear.

She pulled away when she realized that Happy had ceased his tirade of babbling and taken to staring at them curiously. Natsu seemed uncomfortable under the neko's scrutiny, so she ushered everyone inside for some tea. Happy, surprisingly, declined the invitation and headed back to the guild. A couple of minutes later, Kiyomi and Natsu sat on opposite armchairs in front of a roaring fire with fresh cups of hot tea. Neither seemed to want to break the silence so they both just stared into the fire.

"I-uh did miss you today," Natsu mumbled into his cup breaking the companionable silence.

Kiyomi looked at him with shining lavender eyes. She was delighted to find how easy it was to revert back to her alternate persona. That she could still exude a calming atmosphere and practice patience. "I'm glad. So, you're going fishing tomorrow?"

Natsu ducked his head and she saw just a bit of color on his cheeks. "I- I found myself wanting to cheer him up. He was really worried about you and then you left to see some special doctor. He actually convinced himself that you were dying." The last sentence was incensed with exasperation that had her chuckling internally at his expense.

"I can assure you that I am not dying," she said with a small smile on her face.

"Are you- I mean- Is everything okay?"

His genuine concern made her feel all fuzzy and lighthearted. "Yes, I even got to meet with an old friend of mine." He didn't seem to know how to proceed from there so they lapsed into another bout of comfortable silence.

"Did you know that your eyes change colors?" Natsu blurted out. His eyes widened comically at his outburst and promptly clasped his hand over his mouth.

She raised an eyebrow in surprise. "I didn't. Care to elaborate?"

When it appeared that she wasn't mad or offended by his statement, he lowered his hand. "Well- uh usually your eyes are violet." She nodded at that and gestured for him to continue. "But, when you're sad they shift to a muddier purple. I don't really know a name for it. And then earlier you seemed to be happy and your eyes seemed to brighten to a lighter purple…" He trailed off into embarrassed silence.

Kiyomi stared at him interestingly. She truthfully didn't know that about herself. The fact that he even noticed that shades of colors her eyes made tendrils of warmth curl around her. Like most of her epiphanies, this one hit her like a freight train. She looked over at Natsu swirling his tea in his cup nervously, taking peeks at her from under his overgrown bangs fleetingly. She was falling for him. _Hard_. He was like an injured animal that she took into her hands and was nurturing back to life. What had begun as a task that she undertook as a healer, had blossomed into something that she wanted to do because it made her happy. She found that _she wanted_ to see him smile wholeheartedly. _She wanted_ to see him laugh and fool around with his friends. Not because it meant that she had healed his broken soul, but because she wanted to see these things for herself.

She shook herself out of her revelation. It was too sudden, this wasn't the right time. She couldn't, _shouldn't_, be falling in love with her patient. It was unheard of, unethical. "Are you okay? Maybe I shouldn't have said anything…" Her eyes focused on him to notice that she had been staring at him for an uncomfortably long time.

She couldn't stop the heat that rushed to her face. "N-no! You did nothing wrong! I just- it surprised me is all. I was never aware…"

He huffed a laugh at her that had her floored. "I had better get going. Happy wants to leave early in the morning." She wondered as to the disappearance of the man that could barely handle a quirk of his lips. He had made leaps and bounds of progress without her even knowing.

"Natsu," she stopped him before he got through her front door. She pulled him close to her and rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm here. You know, if you ever need to talk. You can come to me about anything."

His arm tightened around her middle. "Thank you." His warm words made her insides twist with pleasure. "Goodnight Kiyomi."

"Goodnight Natsu."

* * *

_**A/N: Greetings everyone! I hope you guys are happy with this chapter. If you have any questions, ask and ye shall receive an answer. I'll try to update soon. Now that I'm on break from University and I've fully moved into my new home, I'll be able to write more often. As always, I hope you enjoyed. ~RiLeY~**_


	6. Needs

**FAIRY TAIL CHAPTER SIX**

Disclaimer: I own nothing of the Fairy Tail franchise. This is purely for entertainment purposes therefore no money is received for this. I only borrow some characters, take some liberties, shake them up a bit, and put them back quietly hoping no one notices that I messed with them.

**NEEDS**

* * *

Now I'm dreaming, will ever find you now?  
I walk in circles but I'll never figure out  
What I mean to you, do I belong  
I try to fight this but I know I'm not that strong  
And I feel so helpless here  
Watch my eyes are filled with fear  
Tell me do you feel the same  
Hold me in your arms again

I need your love  
I need your time  
When everything's wrong  
You make it right  
I feel so high  
I come alive  
I need to be free with you tonight  
I need your love

-"I Need Your Love" by: _Ellie Goulding _

* * *

She was avoiding him. Of this, he was sure. And it irritated him completely.

After a slightly awkward, but successful, morning with Happy, Natsu bounded happily up the hill to Kiyomi's house to tell her about it. He found her in front of her house, on her knees, attending to her garden. He hadn't really noticed it until now. Which, if he was going to be honest, was pretty stupid since the garden practically surrounded the cottage. She had her hair pulled up in a messy bun barely held together by a lilac ribbon. Tendrils of her long shiny raven hair spilled forth and stuck to her sweaty forehead. She had dirt on her face, he noted with some amusement. She was breathtaking.

She was something of an anomaly the first time he laid eyes on her. She was something strange, unfamiliar. Natsu thought that that was what had drawn him to her. But then he got to know her. He got to listen to her laugh and smile. He got to feel her touch and warmth and noticed that he didn't really mind it. She was an enigma from the start. But he peeled back layers and found that it wasn't the mystery that drew him like bees to honey. It was her. She beckoned to him. His saving grace. She pulled him in with her kind eyes and gentle touch. She was his merciful angel and before he knew it, parts of him had healed. He began to patch himself together because now he had something to live for. He wanted to survive for her. He wanted to be alive instead of the walking corpse he had become.

"You've got something on your face," he said from directly behind her. Scaring the wits out of her was steadily becoming one of his favorite hobbies. She jumped and spun around in surprise, much to Natsu's satisfaction.

Brandishing a garden tool like a sword she glared at him. "You need to stop doing that! You're going to give me heart failure!"

He only grinned in response and pointed to a random point on her face. "You've got a bit of dirt right there." Suppressing the urgent need to laugh, Natsu watched her wipe the spot which only served to add more dirt onto her face.

"Did I get it?"

"No, It's right there," he pointed to another random spot on her face.

"Now?"

"Nope. You're just really bad at this. Here let me get it for you." He reached for her face to rub a bit of the dirt that clung to her cheek. She jerked away as if he had burned her and looked away. His hand, which was on its way to her face was now awkwardly hovering in the space between them.

"I just realized that I've got this… thing that I need to do."

"A thing," he repeated suspiciously. Kiyomi stared at her feet, refusing to look at him.

"Yeah, a thing. A thing that I completely forgot about and I should probably go and do it." She still refused to look up at him. And then she was gone. Natsu stared at the spot where a petite little Wind Mage was supposed to be standing. Still confused, Natsu walked away. He glanced over his shoulder once before going back down the hill.

* * *

Kiyomi slid to the floor against her door. She wanted to hit something, she wanted to scream at the very top of her lungs, but she did none of those things. She just sat with her knees drawn against her chest in numb aching silence. She was a fool, a coward. She was running away. It was what she did best. She had run away from the memories that were too much for her and now she was running away from feelings that she just couldn't handle at the moment. Natsu didn't deserve her.

It was a long time before Kiyomi finally found it within her to get up from her fetal position by her door. She dragged herself from off the ground and made her way to the shower. Her reflection stared back at her accusingly. At some point, while she sat by her door, Kiyomi had started to cry. Her face was blotchy and red. The dried salty tracks were white streaks down her face, judging her for her weakness. Natsu was right. Her eyes had changed to the dull purple of mauve.

Kiyomi's movements were robotic and she barely registered what it was that she was doing. It wasn't until she was under the warmth of her covers that her mind finally decided to return to reality. She didn't think that she could take much more of this. The emotional distress was most likely going to kill her. She lay there for a long time just looking up at the ceiling until her eyes turned heavy and pulled her into a deep fitful slumber.

* * *

"_Yomi-chan," The blonde girl, Tomomi, looked at her with eyes that were out of place on a fifteen year old girl. "Did you hear about Hito-san?"_

_Kiyomi looked back at her best friend with wide, sorrowful eyes. A couple of days ago, the village found the mangled body of the ramen stand owner. Kiyomi had caught a glimpse of the man before he was covered in a shroud. She almost puked on the person next to her. The man had been completely gutted and his body looked flambéed. She would never forget the horrid pungent smell of burnt flesh. _

_This had been happening for weeks. One by one, people from the village would go missing. Nobody knew what to think of it. For years the entire village had lived in peace. Everyone knew everyone and they all lived together in serene harmony. But then one morning the blacksmith went missing. And then the shop lady down the street with the pretty flower clips and ribbons. _

_Kiyomi couldn't make head nor tails of the happenings, and she had started getting funny looks from people since it started. One night on her way home she had overheard Tomomi's parents arguing quietly among themselves._

"_It's him. I'm telling you it's him." Tomomi's father was a tall, broad man. He had well defined muscles from heavy labor. He looked at his wife with a dark look in his hazel eyes. _

"_Come now, you can't possibly expect a boy-" Her mother, on the other hand, was a small mousy blonde woman with kind delicate features. Her soft chocolate orbs were widened in sadness. _

"_Boy?! Don't be absurd. He is no more a boy than he is a human. Have you even seen him? It's unnatural."_

"_And what about his sister? You can't expect our little Kiyomi to be a part of this as well." _

"_No I don't, but you can't be too sure."_

"_Maybe we should just ask her?"_

"_And have her report back to her demented brother?! Are you nuts?!"_

_Kiyomi felt she had heard quite enough and fled the house. She locked herself in her room for two whole days. She felt betrayed. But worst of all, she found that she was actually contemplating that they may be right._

_Her brother had shown up out of nowhere three years ago. When he had left her without so much as a good-bye, she had thought she was never going to see him again. She used to remember him fondly even though he had literally abandoned her. She used to reminisce about the tall lanky boy with messy black hair and glowing lavender eyes. She had always looked up to her nii-san, who always had a bright friendly smile for her. His laughter used to be contagious. No one would ever really know what he was laughing about, but you just couldn't help but laugh with him. _

_The man that returned to her was nothing how she remembered. His once warm and inviting features seemed distorted. Almost, kind of… wrong. When he thought she wasn't looking or paying attention, he would mutter to himself incoherently. She never really saw much of him after moving back to the house on the hill. He would disappear for hours, even days, at a time. She had eventually stopped trying to make time for him. But to think, even if he made everyone seem a little uncomfortable, that he was capable of murder? She was wrought with guilt for even entertaining the thought. _

* * *

Kiyomi woke with an uneasy feeling in her belly. It had started out innocent enough. When she opened her eyes, her dreamed replayed repeatedly until she felt something nagging in the recess of mind telling her she was overlooking something vital. By the time she had finally mustered up the energy to pull herself out of bed, she had worked herself into a fit. She felt like she was missing a key piece from a very important puzzle.

A loud knock startled her out of her chaotic thoughts. She pulled on a dressing gown and opened the door to see a very red Natsu huffing with his hand raised to knock again. She was so startled to see him that he managed to push past her. Kiyomi closed the door slowly, steeling herself before she confronted Natsu. She knew that he knew that she was avoiding him. She did a very poor job of hiding it. When she finally turned to him, she chickened out and stared at the floor instead of him.

"Kiyomi." She clenched her eyes shut. It was too painful. She couldn't do this. She wasn't made for this kind of agony anymore. "Kiyomi look at me." His voice was laced with hardness that made her recoil inwardly.

She opened her eyes and brought them slowly upwards to meet his. She almost sobbed when she looked into those black orbs. She felt like she was drowning in his dark pools of sorrow. And she wouldn't even fight it. She would gladly lay herself down in the depths of the sea and die for she knew, she _knew_, that she put that sadness there. She, who said she would take away his pain and hurt, ended up being the one that hurt him. Self-loathing clouded her mind. This was exactly what she deserved.

"I- I'm-" Kiyomi cursed at herself. She was a coward through and through. She couldn't even tell him she was sorry.

"No." The sharp word shocked her into silence. "You don't get to apologize until you tell me why. Tell me why, after you said yourself that I was always welcome here, you would avoid me so, so-" Natsu struggled to find the right words for his emotions. "I deserve to know why you won't see me. Have I done something wrong? Please explain to me what happened." His tone turned to a pleading one that had her almost breaking down in front of him.

"I- I don't know what to say." He didn't deserve her. Broken little her couldn't be good for him. He needed someone whole. Someone that could take care of him. She thought, oh she had hoped, that she was that person. Then she found out that she was nothing. She was not whole but a façade. She was just wearing a mask, a mask that finally came off. She couldn't hid anymore.

He edged closer to her, his eyes imploring her to open up. "The truth would be a good way to go. _Please_. I- I can't do this without you. I need you."

And just like that the dam broke. A sob escaped her tiny seashell lips. Natsu stood in front of her with wide eyes. He hovered around her uncertainly, unsure of what to do. Kiyomi's knees buckled and she tumbled to the floor weeping into her hands. "You- hic- you don't need me," she managed through her loud raucous sobs.

Natsu put an arm around her and she retreated away from his touch. "I'm not worth needing. I- I can't help you. I'm too broken." Her eyes burned with more tears.

"Bullshit!" His exclamation surprised her enough to stop her sniveling. "I don't know where this is coming from Kiyomi but it's not true."

"You know nothing about me," she spat bitterly at him. "I'm a coward and a fake. You may think you need me but you're wrong. You-"

Natsu interrupted her with a swift graze of his lips to hers. The simple touch sent volts of electricity through her veins. It jumpstarted her heart and her blood warmed. A tiny sigh escaped her lips as she closed her eyes. Natsu captured the sound as he leaned in, pulling her closer to him. His mouth slanted easily against hers as if their lips were made to fit together. When he pulled away, they were both breathing heavily. Natsu touched her forehead with his.

"I need you, all of you. I don't care what you think about yourself. I just need you. I need your smiles and your touch. I need your kind eyes and bright laughter. So what if you're broken? I'm broken too. So what if you wear a mask? I wear one too. I don't care about any of these things Kiyomi, I just need you to be you. I need you by my side. You are my light even if you think your darkness. Kiyomi I-"

She cut him off with a bruising kiss that had both of them tumbling in a heap on the floor. His muscled arms wound around her waist tightly as he returned the kiss eagerly. She broke away and brushed away his bangs with the tips of her fingers. "Me too," she whispered. "I- me too."

* * *

Golem paced eagerly waiting for the spell to take effect. He was hungry, ravenous. He wanted revenge. His pretty thing ran away from him. Why would his pretty salamander run away? But he would get it back. His little salamander would come back to him. He needed to teach it a lesson. His sweet little bauble would come back so he could smash it. He needed to smash. It was too pretty. He needed to break his lovely baby salamander.

The pool of liquid in the basin rippled and gurgled. It splashed the thick dark red fluid onto the cold stone floor of the cave. Distorted muted voices emanated from the basin. Images started to form. A thick round bubble rose from the blood filled basin and showed him his salamander. His eyes drank in the solemn expression on its face like a child who was staring into a candy shop. Golem's eyes traversed over his pretty little thing. Oh, how he wished he could reach and strangle its long pale neck. He wanted to leave big purple bruises along that perfect pale flesh. He wanted to watch the contrast of blood against that wonderfully pink hair. So caught up was Golem with his specimen that he missed the other person in the picture. It wasn't until their lips touched the first time that Golem really paid attention to the girl next to his salamander.

Golem only had time to register the long dark hair and familiar purple eyes before he flung the stone basin against a wall. He panted heavily as the broken bloody soaked pieces of rock pitched at him. His dark violet eyes filled with a red haze that clouded his mind. His salamander would die a long and horrible death indeed. He would take his sweet time with this one. Maybe he'll keep him forever. Make him writhe in agony for the rest of time. Oh his salamander was going to pay for daring to lay a hand on something so precious. A large Cheshire grin took hold of his face while watching the blood travel down the wall he threw the basin at. He would get his salamander back and a prize with one fell swoop. He exited the cave with a flourish of his cloak and one deadly thought.

_This is going to be fun._

* * *

_**A/N: Phew! This chapter took a lot of effort. I wrote it, rewrote it, hated the rewrite, trashed the rewrite, then wrote it again to get this chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed it and that it was at least worth the wait. Let me know what you think. If you want, you can take a swing over to my bio page where there are links to my twitter as well as my tumblr. If you guys have any questions, literally any questions you've got stirring around in that brain of yours, then you'll be able to reach me much faster through either social network. I've also been thinking of uping the rating because I'm not sure if I want to add any sexy scenes in the future. If I do I'll let you guys know before, but if you want it way before hand I've taken to updating you on how my writing is progressing via Twitter. Ciao for now. ~RiLeY~**_


	7. Talks

**FAIRY TAIL CHAPTER SEVEN**

Disclaimer: Still don't own anything of the Fairy Tail universe. This is purely for entertainment purposes and strictly non-profit. I only borrow characters as discreetly as possible and try to put them back the way I found them.

**TALKS**

* * *

Feeling like I'm breathing my last breath  
Feeling like I'm walking my last steps  
Look at all of these tears I've wept  
Look at all the promises that I've kept

I put my heart into your hands  
Here's my soul to keep  
I let you in with all that I can  
You're not hard to reach  
And you bless me with the best gift  
That I've ever known  
You give me purpose  
Yeah, you've given me purpose  
-"Purpose" by: _Justin Bieber_

* * *

"Well then," she said nervously. "Let's have that talk."

Natsu hid his smile. She was so adorable when she was nervous. He burrowed into the armchair and continued to watch Kiyomi in amusement as she fidgeted in the chair opposite him. She wrung her hands in front of her as her gaze flitted from the roaring fire to him then back to the fire again. It had been a couple of days since their confrontation. If he concentrated really hard he could still feel the tingle of her lips against his.

She had surprised him but he wasn't complaining, not in the least. Somehow, someway, this angel had fallen from the heavens straight onto his lap and deemed him worthy of love. He and his blackened soul, if this talk were to go right, would be bare for her to see. It scared him still to talk about that foul beast but what scared him more was how fast this tiny woman had broken down his walls. She had destroyed him completely and then continued on to renew him. With her there were no reservations, no boundaries. She had eradicated everything.

"Natsu," her voice was panicky and tense. He could almost picture the whirling gears in her mind. He made a split of a second decision. Natsu got up from his spot and made his way over to the unsuspecting Wind Mage who was now biting her lip while gazing hard at the hearth. He lifted her up, ignoring her squeak of surprise, and sat down on her seat pulling her on top of him so that she was curled against him. Her warmth instantly enveloped him and he clung to it like a dying man. Her breath stuttered against the crook of his neck where her head rested.

"Alright. Now that we're comfortable, would you like to go first or shall I?"

He resisted the urge to smirk smugly when he felt her make herself comfortable on his lap. "I'll go first. Where do I even start?" She sighed in frustration. "Do you remember those headaches I had some weeks ago? Well, I didn't go to a special doctor. Five years ago, I ran away from home and became a Wind Mage. It was then through my studies that I found out about a very powerful Spell Weaver named Kenja." Natsu stamped down on the jealousy that raised its ugly head at the fondness in her voice.

"It took me a year to track him down, the slimy bastard. When I did, I demanded him to cast a Memory Spell on me. It took two years until he finally could and that was when I found Fairy Tail. It was quite by accident really." She chuckled at the memories. "It was Happy that found me. I was wandering around like a lost little puppy when he literally fell into my lap. I didn't know it at the time but the Spell created this sort of alternate reality but only in my head. Therefore, I believed I had a certain past when I really didn't. So, as I was sitting there under a tree in the forest trying to figure out where I was going to go next, Happy, who fell asleep on a branch above me, tumbled down and straight on top of me. He took me to meet Master Makarov and that was that. I was a part of a family when I thought, at the time, that I was completely alone in the world."

"What did the spell make you believe?" Natsu asked quietly.

"Well, I- uh- it was sort of a side effect of the Spell truthfully. The past that was created was that I was orphaned as a child. My parents were supposedly murdered by bandits in our little village. I was an only child and was sent to a home for children in the mountains. It wasn't until I went to Kenja to cure the headaches did I find out it was all just a lie to make up for the memories that I was too scared to face." She looked up at Natsu sadly. "I wasn't being dramatic when I said that I was a coward Natsu. No, let me finish. I was a coward because I couldn't face my own reality. Instead I ran and hid behind a false life hoping that my real life would just crumble out of existence. I know you don't want to believe it Natsu but it is the truth. I am not someone that deserves to be put on a pedestal, if anything I deserve to be crushed by it."

Natsu looked ahead stubbornly at the fire. He refused to acknowledge the words that flowed out of such a pretty mouth. He couldn't believe such things because this was the woman that essentially saved him from the depths of his own despair. She pulled him back from the darkness that threatened to envelope him and she didn't want him to put her up on a pedestal? She deserved a pedestal so high that it even transcends the heavens itself.

"Natsu," she whispered questioningly into his neck. Her hot breath against his neck sent tremors down his spine. He finally looked away from the dancing flames and into two lovely pools of mauve.

"You know as much as I consider that particular shade of purple to be truly beautiful, I don't think that I like what it stands for." He watched carefully as the mauve color intermingled with her now more amused color of mulberry causing a medley of violets to erupt in her wide eyes. He pulled her tighter against him. "Two years ago, I took up a Ten Year Job request. It was my first one and I wanted to do it alone instead of with my team. So, in the middle of the night, I grabbed the flyer and left. It was probably stupid, no it was actually really incredibly stupid, of me to go alone on such a dangerous job but I guess I felt I had something to prove at the time. I never got to the job. I was traveling through a forest in the North when this dark figure seemed to erupt from the shadows.

"I fought like hell but it just wasn't enough. He was too powerful." Natsu's voice wavered a bit at the memory. "I spent two years in pure darkness. He kept me in this hole in the ground. I don't know how I was breathing let alone surviving. He- I don't even know how to describe to you how those two years passed. So much happened…" His voice caught and he felt Kiyomi's tiny fingers comb through his hair comfortingly. This was exactly what he was afraid of. The old wounds that he had managed to bury beneath piles of denial and repression, were finally coming back to haunt him. "It was mostly emotional torture when I think back. He used the people closest to me to hurt me. He planted images in my head. I remember the first time I passed out from exhaustion; I had tried to stay up for as long as I could but eventually my need to sleep won out. He made me think that I had somehow escaped. It wasn't until my nakama started to hurt me that I realized what was happening. I couldn't get out of my own mind." Natsu shivered violently. "Sometimes he would make me do things to them in my dreams. I would torture them and hurt them and it wouldn't stop."

Natsu took in a deep breath to try and calm his erratic emotions. "He made a mistake one day. He took me out of the pit for the first time. He told me that I was going to die. I had almost just let him do it. But then something in me just clicked and I managed to surprise him enough to fight my way out of his cave. I didn't know where I was. All that I recall is the excessive amount of adrenaline pumping through my veins, urging me forward and forward until I fainted from blood loss and exhaustion. By that time, I had made it to a town to recover enough to make my way back to my hut. And that was when Lucy found me. I didn't mean for her to find me so soon," he said somewhat sheepishly. "I wanted to get my bearings first. The sky, the light, everything was overwhelming after two years in pitch blackness. I wasn't ready to see them. I couldn't be sure it was all true. What if it was another illusion that he had set up in my mind again?

"You know what made me realize that it was real? You did. I knew that I couldn't just dream up someone like you. I knew that he couldn't either. You were so very real and unfamiliar. It was like a breath of fresh air. It was how I could differentiate between reality and fantasy. You may not want to hear this Kiyomi, but you saved me. You helped pull me through my madness. I owe you my life. You made me believe in my second chance at life. Thank you."

Natsu looked down at Kiyomi to see a lovely dusting of pink on her cheeks. "There is no point in arguing with you. You're always so stubborn." He chuckled at that and held her as close to him as possible relishing in her body heat. "Who was he?" Natsu stiffened instantly. He didn't like to utter the name. Sometimes he thinks that he can hear it.

"It- uh- h- his name is Golem."

Natsu didn't expect the gasp of surprise from the tiny Wind Mage. She pushed off of him and started to pace along the front of her fireplace, muttering furiously under her breath. He sat stock still in shock at her sudden change in mood. "Kiyomi?" She stopped mid-pace and whirled around to face him.

"Golem you say? That's his name?" Natsu winced at hearing the name again but nodded. "Tall, lanky hair, pale almost see through skin… feel free to tell me I'm wrong. In fact I encourage it."

"No, you're pretty spot on. Kiyomi, what is going on? What is wrong? How do you know what he looks like?" He asked the last question with a rising horror in his gut. The only way she would know what he looked like is if she met him. What if he had hurt her? The anger that flooded him at the thought was quite unlike him. Whatever he had been expecting to come out of her mouth, the next words she said were definitely not it.

"Well-uh- you see…" Kiyomi started to fidget again. She shifted from foot to foot and refused to look up from her carpet. "Golem is- well he's my- Golem is my nii-san."

* * *

_**A/N: I didn't get to post this on Turkey Day like I wanted to... sorry! Hows about you go and heat up some leftover turkey and then read this as dessert. Feel any better? Anyways, here's a little explanation for those of you that were a bit confused by my timeline and all that jazz. And can we just take a moment to cringe at the titles of my chapters. I swear I have zero talent in that department. If you've got questions, comments, concerns, mid-life crises, boy trouble, girl trouble, and all that good stuff, feel free to connect with me via the social media on my bio page. Uh, I think that's all I wanted to say. Well, I hope you all enjoyed your copious amounts of good food and that you spend an equally copious amount of time with your family. Stay flawless. Ciao. ~RiLeY~ **_


	8. The Past

**FAIRY TAIL CHAPTER EIGHT**

Disclaimer: I do not receive profit for this. It's for enjoyment and all that jazz.

**THE PAST**

* * *

The pain  
It's determined and demanding  
To ache, but I'm okay

...

You lost, a part of your existence  
In the war, against yourself  
Oh, the lights,  
They light up in lights of sadness  
Telling you, it's time to go

-"The Fault in Our Stars" by: _Troye Sivan_

* * *

She didn't expect her limbs to freeze in recognition. So when it happened, she spent a good amount of time in her mind telling herself that it wasn't true. She was horrified. What kind of a person does such horrible things to an innocent person that they can't even talk about it? What kind of _animal_ relished in the pain and suffering of others? She was absolutely sick. This Golem person was the scum of the earth and she was _related _to him?

"Nii-san," Natsu repeated slowly. Kiyomi flinched. She had long ago turned away from him in favor of once again facing the fire. The silence that had taken place after her rather blunt admission nearly killed her with the stress it incited. "So, he's your brother? That's what you're trying to tell me?"

Did he really have to make her say it again? _Yes… YES! He's my fucking brother. Do need it in goddamned writing too? _"Yes," she said quietly.

"H-How?"

Her temper flared and her eyes flashed magenta, but she still refused to turn around. "How else do you think Natsu?" she asked tiredly. She wanted to fight but mostly she _really_ just wanted to lie down and take a nap. A drink wouldn't hurt either really. "When a man and a woman love each-"

"Spare me the sarcasm Kiyomi!" She flinched again at the biting tone of his voice. "And will you turn the fuck around so we can talk about this?!"

When she did turn around, she was all too aware of the tears that had started to stream down her face. The self-deprecation that stained her eyes. "What do you want from me?" she whispered. "What do you want? Do you want to leave? There's the door. I won't fight you over him. He's not worth it." She wished he would scoop her up and tell her that it's okay. Usually, this would be the time he started to comfort her, but he maintained his distance and that broke her heart. "I wish it were different. I wish that I was actually an orphan. I want it all to be a bad dream, but it's not. So do what everyone else had done, leave me."

"I-is he the reason?"

"What?"

"Is he the reason you went to the Spell Weaver? Is it because of your nii-san?"

She graced him with a cynical smile. "Yes that was partly the reason." She sighed and collapsed ungracefully into her armchair. With her elbows on her knees, she cradled her head feeling a raging headache forming right in the center of her temple. "When I was a child, I couldn't have been more than five, my parents were killed. The only memory I really have of them anymore is them lying in pools of their own blood on our floor. We used to live in a small village way up in North, where the winters never seemed to really end. Bandits were normal around those parts, but they usually attacked traveling merchants. One night I woke to my mother screaming. She screamed my father's name and for my brother to run. Before I could reach the front room, I heard the soft chink of a blade and a thud. Sometimes when I close my eyes and I'm almost asleep, I hear her scream cut short and the sound of blood gurgling out of her mouth. When I finally reached my family, both of my parents were on the floor with their necks slashed in puddles of red. My brother, who saw everything happen, launched himself at the bandits. He-," she choked a bit as she tried not to cry uncontrollably. "I watched my brother avenged our parents by ripping the hearts out of the men who murdered kaa-san and oto-san.

"We left soon after that. Nii-san packed up our stuff and we moved as far away from that place as we could. I should've known something like that would've affected him eventually. But, I was just a small five-year-old who just lost her parents. All I had in the world was my brother. He told me that justice was served and that he took care of it. I took that as gospel and never questioned it again until the day I saw my brother bathed once again in blood. I never once thought how watching our parents die in front of him would affect him, or even killing a man would either. Nii-san took care of me and that was all I needed.

"My parents became but a distant memory as we moved to a small town with a house up on a grassy hill. Where our old home seemed an endless winter, this one was like an endless summer. It was lovely. Nii-san and I would garden and play all types of games outside. He would chase me and catch me and I would try and catch him back. Nii-san even learned to cook, though we had many mistrials before he got it right." She huffed out a small laugh at the fond memories of burnt onigiri and flaming vegetables. "We had a good life despite everything. Nii-san was my rock and he anchored me so I could look forward to the future. But one day Nii-san never came home. He would travel to the next town over every week, because the one that we lived closest too was kind of small and poor. He would go sell the vegetables that we grew in our garden at the market. That morning he left with a huge grin on his face, and then disappeared for two years.

"I had a friend in the village. She was my only friend in fact. Her name was Tomomi. When my brother never returned, I moved in with Momi-chan. I had missed my brother terribly. Before Tomomi's parents took me in, I had lived in that cold empty house for weeks. I waited and I waited but he never came back. The next two years were bittersweet for me. I loved Momi-chan and her family. They were good people. But, my brother was the only family I had left. No one could replace him."

She hesitated to continue. How would Natsu take what she had to say? At the moment he was just sitting across from her in pensive silence listening to her talk. She drew in a shaky breath and continued nonetheless.

"I was twelve when he returned. I was so angry at him; for disappearing, leaving without even a single word, for leaving me alone. But I moved back into the cottage anyway. I never saw much of him in the next three years. Momi-chan had become something of a solace to me in that time. She became a sister in all but blood." Kiyomi's eyes darkened in sadness. "It was so sudden, the disappearances. It started with the blacksmith. He was such a kind-faced old man. No one knew where he had vanished off to, not even his wife and children. Then, two weeks later, he showed up in the stream nearby dead." She tried not to gag at the memory of his mangled body floating in the water. One by one, villagers started to go missing. They would just vanish and then after some time show up again killed in the most horrendous ways.

"I didn't begin to suspect my brother until one night I heard Tomomi's parents arguing about it. I had battled with it for weeks. I didn't want to succumb to that little niggling part of my brain that pointed towards him. How could I believe he would do such a thing? My sweet lovely nii-san who always had a grin and a joke for me so I wouldn't cry, tended to all my scratches and bruises when kaa-san wasn't there to do it, and panicked at the first signs of any kind of illness. I didn't want to believe it, but he just wasn't the same person I used to know.

"I would like to tell you that I was surprised when I found my best friend's dead body or her blood on my brother's hands. I want to say that I screamed in denial and hurt, but I didn't. It was sort of a bitter resignation at that point. Deny it though I tried, it wasn't until I actually saw the evidence with my own eyes that I finally had to admit to myself that it was true. I regret how I handled that day.

"I used to help out in the ramen shop after oba-san went missing. I was sent home early that day and there he was, standing in front of our home with Momi-chan's lifeless body at his feet. We simply stared at one another. Not a word was said. I wish that I had screamed at him or hurt him. I did nothing!" She realized that she was crying at this point. When did she start crying? "I didn't avenge her death like I knew she would've done for me! I just left him there and packed my things without a backward glance. I let him go. I should've done something, anything!"

She was crying uncontrollably now. It had been so long since she cried for her dead friend, so long since she mourned the loss of the two most important people in her life. "It's my fault," she shrieked. "You got hurt because of my incompetence. If only I had told someone, or done something myself. I kept telling myself that it was better that I left. That I was doing it to punish him. But I left because it was the easiest thing to do. No matter what he had done, what I actually saw with my own eyes, I couldn't hurt him, and because of that you got hurt. If only-"

"Stop." She was startled out of her insistent sobbing by Natsu standing over her with a troubled look on his face. "Just stop."

She trembled slightly as the sentiments she was feeling still ravaged her mind; grief, pain, anger, self-hatred. She rocked back and forth as she tried to do what Natsu said. She tried to stop crying and feeling all of the things she was feeling. She was then, unexpectedly, enveloped in warmth as Natsu pulled her into his strong embrace. The dam broke and she cried even harder into his warm neck. He pulled her onto the armchair with him and rocked her like she was a child.

* * *

She didn't remember how long she cried or when she passed out, but she woke the next day in her bed. Natsu was sitting on the bed beside her wide awake with the same troubled expression as before.

"Hey," he said softly. "Feeling a bit better?" She nodded mutely. Kiyomi was scared. She didn't know what was going to happen, how he was going to react. "I'm sorry." She shot up and stared at him with wide disbelieving eyes. How could he _apologize_?! _Why _is he apologizing?!

"Natsu," she said insistently. "You have nothing to be sorry about. If anything, it shou-"

"No," Natsu's voice was firm and she looked at him more confused than ever. She wanted to know what exactly was going on in his mind. "First of all, you need to stop apologizing and blaming yourself. What happened to me, what that monster did was not your fault. He is a monster and it has nothing to do with you. Second, I'm sorry because you've been keeping this in for so long. I'm sorry that you had to go years with feeling this guilt. I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that when you were so young. Oh Kiyomi, I'm so sorry." He pulled her into his arms again. She wanted to cry but found herself quite out of tears. So, she just lay there in his arms and took the comfort that he provided to her.

"Thank you." She whispered it quietly after sometime. He kissed her forehead lightly and said, "You're welcome. I love you."

Her eyes bulged in surprise and she wanted to look at him but his arms tightened around her and constricted her movements. "I don't know when it happened really. Sometimes I think it was when I first opened my eyes to see your kind face and warm smile, or when I first heard you laugh. Sometimes I think it was when I would tease you and your brows would crinkle in this little frown, or when I would look into your eyes and see the most compelling medley of purples.

"I love you Kiyomi and I don't think I can stop. I tried to tell myself that I shouldn't love you. I was not worthy of such an emotion. You changed that you know. You changed how I look at myself and how I think of myself. You made me feel again. You helped me think that I was worth something. That I was worthy of you. Let me do the same for you. Let me help you feel again. Let me help you realize that you are worth a thousand of him. That you are worthy of my love. Let me love you Kiyomi. If you do, I promise I would love you for all eternity."

Despite all the waterworks yesterday, Kiyomi found her eyes getting wet as she lay against Natsu's chest. "I- I love you too." His arms, if possible, tightened even further around her crushing her towards him.

And that, was when all hell broke loose.

* * *

_**A/N: Right... How was everyone's holidays? It's been forever and I know I'm a horrible author! *sobs in corner* I know it's a short chapter but things pick up a little in the next chapter. Hopefully you'll get it by Valentine's Day. Hopefully... I've been so busy, my new semester has started and may I just say that med. school is hard as hell. Did you guys like it? Let me know. If you wanna fast response from me just check me out on Tumblr. I'm literally (LITERALLY) always on Tumblr. I'm actually hoping to finish this story this summer so I can focus on a couple of HP fics I've got up my sleeve. And I've also been looking into continuing my one-shot. As always, I hope you enjoyed. Ciao. ~RiLeY~**_


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